Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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