We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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