Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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