Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
