living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
