dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
