I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
