Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
