I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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