we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
