Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
