By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
