we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him βfuck meβ eyes during a lecture a few times.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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