I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
