That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
