omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
