My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
