I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
