so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
