i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
