we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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