watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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