yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
