I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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