Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
