I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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