there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
