They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
