Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
