im drinking this country out of the recession.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
