Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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