remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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