Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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