I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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