so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The uberlube is also flammable
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
