i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize