I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
