Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
