My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
