she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
