So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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