Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize