your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have post one night stand depression
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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