So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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