Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
