So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
