He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize