I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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