woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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