There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
