Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
