oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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