No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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