I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
