So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
