You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
