We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
