Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
