Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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