Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
