Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
