You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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