if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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