Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
is that a dick in a sweater?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
