its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can't put those talents on a resume
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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