Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
