Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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