new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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