My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
