I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
