Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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