Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
