I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
