so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
