I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize