i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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