The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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