Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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