4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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