I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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