Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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