She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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