I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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