Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
