I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
