Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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