So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
