did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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