mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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