I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
