The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
