I wannas sexs uuuuu
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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