i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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