He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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