I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
