I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
