So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
