Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
dude. I can hear the air.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
