You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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