went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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