I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
