dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
