Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
