if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
