This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
