Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
